Day 5

Today has been a good day, but I have been pretty miserable watching others eat including my wife. It's actually rather comical because I thought smelling food was more difficult for me than seeing it (which is true), but watching someone devour food when it's been five days since you had a meal...a lot more difficult than I would've ever thought. Yet, I press on. Tomorrow is a new day, new mercies, and I won't have to watch people eat all day. Ha! I woke up for 6am prayer with great energy again, but today my voice didn't feel as strong while singing out to God. I think that's because my wife didn't get up this morning for prayer so I didn't have anyone to talk to and warm up. Oops! Energy began to fade during the middle of the day again, and today my shoulders burned. In fact, they actually burned a little last night when I was kneeling at the alter during Avail prayer. I'm thinking it's the lack of protein. That's cool, only 35 more days. 35 days. I've made it 5 days. I'm actually proud of myself. I believe that this fast started off so differently because I knew I had 40 days. I have fasted water and juice only for 7 days before, but I knew that it was only a week so it was much easier. Yet, again, I press on. 35 more days to go. 420 hours to go. Yeah, I mos def just plugged that into my iPhone calculator. No headaches. My stomach still feels weird. I've lost 5 lbs. Happy about that. Not going to weigh for a few more days though. Maybe next Friday. Weight loss is not the focus of this fast, but a great byproduct. 

Today, I had the opportunity to eat lunch with Greg, Chris and Rewdi Weidenhoeft, and their really good friend Dr. Hugh Ross. This man is absolutely BRILLIANT, and credible. I felt a complete peace in my Spirit with him. I believed what he said. I still want to read up on his facts, but that's because I'm slightly nerd-ish. Slightly only because I won't allow myself to be as I once was. He is an Old Earth Creationism believer (I believe he would be considered an Old Earth Creationist), and I had never heard of that before (or his fellow opposites: Young Earth Creationists or Theistic Evolutionists). I learned a lot today, and have a lot of reading to do. It just felt amazing to sit in the company of such a great man (world-renowned debater, author, biochemical physicist) and such great others. I felt like a prince in a room full of kings. Like Moses in a meeting with Pharaoh and his leaders. I felt like the puppy, but I have been in that postion before. You've got to be a lizard before you're a dragon though, right? Yeah, I know a lizard is a lizard and a dragon is a dragon, but you get the picture. I was soaking it all up like a sponge, and wasn't letting anything seap out. I held onto every word and anecdotal teaching like I was in grade school. It was important that I was a part of that lunch today. Changed my life. Oh yeah, you don't know what Dr. Ross does. He basically gives scientific proof that the Bible is the true, inerrant Word of God. He and his team travel the world debating atheists, agnostics and fellow Christians who believe the earth is only a few thousand years old. Truly remarkable finds, facts and proof he posseses. I'll post my pic with him on Instagram because that's what I do when I meet important people (I don't like to save a whole lot of pics in my phone...yeah, tell my iPhone that right now).

I'm still in Joshua 3:1. Verse 1! Yeah, it's crazy the revelation that The Lord is bringing me daily. Like, I look at His Word and it's almost like we've already had a long conversation about it and I'm just remembering details. It's mind-blowing. I have to work to keep this. The hunger for the Word and the revelation from His Word. So, I'm still in verse 1, but as I'm about to start writing out what The Lord has shown me I realized that He's saying something totally different tonight (I usually post an abbreviated version of my blogging on FB). He wanted me to tell the people about the importance of worship. I feel like He wants me to talk about this all weekend. Moreso because there are things that I need to see about worship that, even as a Worship Pastor, I haven't seen. I'm hearing SPIRIT and TRUTH right now. If everything I do is unto The Lord then it is all WORSHIP which means I have to carry integrity in ALL areas. Every part of my life. Last year, I had a rough time tithing. Not because I don't believe in tithing, but because I was so worried about money. I didn't have much of it, and because I was engaged I thought that I needed more. The truth is, The Lord was testing me with the humble amount, and as soon as I made the decision to start back tithing He increased my pay. As SOON as I decided to, not when I actually did. I'm always in awe of the trust He has in me. This year (and the rest of my life) will be different. I owe it to my wife and future children to have integrity with Daddy just as much as anyone or anything else. They don't deserve to live in a curse because I made poor decisions. This is actually difficult to write. Even more difficult to swallow. Knowing that The Lord has had such grace and mercy on me all the while allowing me to walk in an anointing that is clearly greater than me is heart-warming and heart-wrenching all at the same time. I know that The Lord has forgiven me, that I have repented and that I am made whole, but it still hurts to swallow. Yet, while in worship it seems to be lifted off of me. Although I know the past happened, I also know that my King has taken any remnants of it away from me. This is why it's so important to worship Him. He is Daddy. He wants to take care of us. He desires that we come lay at His feet and talk with Him instead of waiting on Him to 'find us out'. 

Tonight I got to be extremely vulnerable with my wife, and it felt good. I think we got closer just from those short moments. I praise God for those moments.